onion

received this text msg from a fren. the content is quite true in certain extent.

女人就好比梨，外甜内酸，
吃梨的人不知道梨儿的心是酸的，
因为吃到最后就把心给扔了，
所以男人从来不懂女人的心。
男人好比洋葱，
想要看到男人的心，
就需要一层一层去剥，
但是你在剥的过程中会不断地流泪,
剥到最后才知道原来洋葱是没有心的.

oww.. have been quite some time since i type or wrote in Chinese.

so how am i dealing with my onion? have i spend enough time to "peel" him?
love is can be torturing, can make you struggle, can make you insane,
yet it's so beautiful that you would cherish when you have it.
once you fall into it, you will be so engrossed until you can hardly excuse yourself completely.
because the power of love is out of limitation, out of expectation.

for me, love is still a big knowledge..
i should have learn to love myself before i spread my love to ppl around me..

behold sadness.

okay lo.

i overreacted again.

it couldn't be pms.

zzzzzzzzz

the eye that behold sadness

seriously i damn hate you! and myself.

oh gosh! it just ruined my mood.
didn't do what you'd promise me.
promises are meant to be broken huh?
you made me feel so happy, then turned me down the next moment. you just make me feel that you're not trying to understand me.
wth. i hate myself for being so vulnerable, so sensitive. i am not blaming you and i know it's not your fault.

so what song can best describes my feeling now?
Hate that I Love You by Rihanna feat. Ne-Yo

love is just so simple, yet complicated at times.
means what o?? i don't understand it either.

[Rihanna (Ne-Yo):]
That's how much I love you (yeah)
That's how much I need you (yeah, yeah, yeah)
And I can't stand ya
Must everything you do
Make me wanna smile
Can I not like it for awhile
No...

[Ne-Yo:]
But you won't let me
You upset me girl
Then you kiss my lips
All of a sudden I forget
That I was upset
Can't remember what you did

[Ne-Yo:]
But I hate it

[Rihanna:]
You know exactly what to do
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long, that's wrong

[Ne-Yo:]
Girl, I hate it
You know exactly how to touch
So that I don't wanna fuss and fight no more
So I despise that I adore you

[Rihanna (Ne-Yo):]
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah)
I can't stand how much I need you (I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy (ooh)
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so...

[Ne-Yo:]
And you completely know the power that you have
The only one that makes me laugh

[Rihanna:]
Sad and it's not fair how you take advantage of the fact that I
Love you beyond the reason why
And it just ain't right

[Ne-Yo:]
And I hate how much I love you girl
I can't stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you girl
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so

[Both:]
One of these days maybe your magic won't affect me
And your kiss won't make me weak
But no one in this world knows me the way you know me
So you'll probably always have a spell on me...

[Rihanna:]
That's how much I love you
How much I need you
That's how much I need you
That's how much I love you
That's how much I need you

[Rihanna (Ne-Yo):]
And I hate that I love you sooo...
And I hate how much I love you boy (Hey)
I can't stand how much I need you (I can't stand how much I need you)
And I hate how much I love you boy (yeah... ooh)
But I just can't let you go (But I just can't let you go, no)
And I hate that I love you so

[Both:]
And I hate that I love you so... so...

p/s: i'm actually exaggerating it. not that serious.
and i don't love him that deep i guess. ah. whatever. let the rain falls on me pls~ wake me up~

a hole inside my heart =(

p/s:
the picture of the cute little feet with a heart-shaped snow was from my cutie Laotian friends in US.
the picture of the tree was taken by me in US. kinda like it.

Colours of Life

I really like the picture on the home page.
so colourful, yet smoothing. not too striking, but vivid.
the lines with different colours are like things we gotta/wanna achieve in our lives.
but everything will still lead us back to the center - happiness.
okay. let's see how it works. hmm.

example 1 :
why we need to study? --> to gain knowledge -->why? -->to get a degree/diploma/ PhD whatever. i don't know the sequel --> why? --> to get a better job --> why? --> to get a good pay --> why? --> to get rich la of course, what else why? okays. who will ask why we wanna be rich? :s --> to buy the things you want --> why? --> to make yourself happy lo!

example 2:
why you apologized 1st after you had an argument with your bf/gf even though you still think that you did nothing wrong and he/she was ridiculous for starting the fight? wow. a long 1 :p --> cause you love him/her and you don't wanna hurt him/her --> why? cause you wanna see him/her happy lo.

Conclusion so fast make conclusion ade. LOL. :
we live to be happy! either you wanna make yourself happy or the people around you happy. i'm actually trying to convince my self to be happy.. zzz...
so we need to enjoy life and live life the fullest.
to add more colours into the pallet of life, or sugar, spice and everything nice into the broth of life.
in order to make life looks beautiful, alluring, interesting, and delicious! wakaka not to forget bout food ;)

currently listening to colours of the wind by Vanessa Williams

nice nice ;))

p/s: i know i'm superficial la.

Tan Leng Leng

kai ye ye, kai mama, and aunt meng chee came for dinner yesterday. mom prepared a lot of dishes as usual
-- we even had pepper soup (neh, the 1 with a lot of pepper with pork internals and meat)

' haiyo, the weather is so hot still cook this kinda heaty food'

'never mind la. they like ma'

errr.. mommy.. you like is it?? :p

after dinner, they chit- chatted lo as usual again
they talk bout everything -- politics, those old man talk la..
then don't know who started to ask who gave me my name.
errrmm.. those temple fellow i guess. before becoming a Christian.
they started suggesting new names for me because i complained that my bro has a special name that is not as common as mine
Tan May Leng arrgghh.. a super common Chinese name
Tan May Li. Tan May Ren. Tan May May. GOODNESS!
What suggestions are that?! :s

even Teh Lok Lok's or Thai Yow Yow's Tan Leng Leng is better than those! i personally think its better
Okay lo. no more complaints la. i'll just shut up and no more new names pls.

Tan May Leng is STILL the best!!! XD

Counting the Days

31st Jan 2008 20.35
a text message from him

' forgive my eyes for admiring your beauty
you stolen my heart the moment you looked at me
call me crazy
call me insane
because every time my heart beats
it mentions your name'

how sweet it was. i remembered it made me teared up after reading. it have been more than a year.i have been missing his 'masterpiece', but he just wouldn't write for me. sometimes i am kinda jealous of the girls he used to write about in his blog. but it seems that i'm always not the subject for him to write.

okays. i know it's kind of stupid to be jealous because of this small matter. errrm.. very stupid indeed. but somehow i just feel so. feeling insecure? seeking for attention? i can't explain it :s

we have not been talking much to each others these days. i wonder why........

My First Attempt

Never thought that I would start blogging someday.

I guess the purposes for me to blog are just:
1. find a hole to shout out my feelings
2. express myself
3. kill the time.

What else can I do besides facing the concrete wall the whole day..
So, blogging is a G-O-O-D way. Hopefully.

I have been doing nothing since I came back from the States.
growing mushrooms
I miss the weather
I miss the food
I miss college
I miss the dorm
I miss everything there
and most of all.. I MISS the people there dearly..

humans are weirdos.
errmm. okays. I am a weirdo.

you'll only start to appreciate thing when you lost it. or. I am.
had been missing home when I was there and now, miss breathing the American air.
had been complaining bout the cold and chill there and yet miss wearing layers now.
had been complaining bout the sugary and fatty food and now, missing the bottomless soda especially lemonade!
I miss everything there.
pls bring me back.

missing the States' clear blue sky ..awww...

Current status:
Craving for something better to do
zzzzz