I'm torn into pieces

Behind These Hazel Eyes

Seems like just yesterday
You were a part of me
I used to stand so tall
I used to be so strong
Your arms around me tight
Everything, it felt so right
Unbreakable, like nothin' could go wrong
Now I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hanging on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

I told you everything
Opened up and let you in
You made me feel alright
For once in my life
Now all that's left of me
Is what I pretend to be
So together, but so broken up inside
'Cause I can't breathe
No, I can't sleep
I'm barely hangin' on

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Swallow me then spit me out
For hating you, I blame myself
Seeing you it kills me now
No, I don't cry on the outside
Anymore...
Anymore...

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Here I am, once again
I'm torn into pieces
Can't deny it, can't pretend
Just thought you were the one
Broken up, deep inside
But you won't get to see the tears I cry
Behind these hazel eyes

Gone Forever

I noticed that I've not been writing bout how I feel for the pass few months.

Maybe I was too happy that I didn't even have time to fill the blog up with all my happiness when I was with him. But this time, I came back, it is with more pain and hurts. Pathetically.

Probably it was me that have been always so naive and the fast self recovery process just kept me being temporarily optimistic and forgot bout the previous pain I've undergo.

Everything seems to go smoothly and so happily-ever-after, but unknowingly the hidden tumor was growing in size, and boom - it burst once again. This time with bigger magnitude. And more destructive.

I know tearing up for something or someone that will no longer come back is somehow useless in the end. But sometimes the emotion just strikes and I can't defeat it. Nothing can be done to change the fact or rewind back to the time when both of us can do more to compromise or be more tolerant.

You're gone forever.

Even though deep down inside my heart there's still a place for you.

But that wouldn't mean you would do the same for me.

Love can finds a way out. But not this time.

Maybe this is not the true love that is meant to be mine.

Sarcastically, I still heart you.

Fragile

Does that mean that he doesn't love you anymore

when he doesn't wanna care more?

It hurts.

Just that he didn't know that.

Or he doesn't even care bout knowing it or not.

p/s: My heart is fragile.

Enlighten me please!

Counting down, less than a week time, I will be back as a full time student and @er.
2 months semester break just passed by so quickly. Time flies like a rocket.
I still have not play hard enough, nor spend my holidays as meaningful as they should be.

Aih. When we are students, we complain bout studies.
When we are working adults, we complain bout our career and work.
What can satisfied us human? Errrrrr, particularly me.

I have been a very bad gal these days. At least I think I'm bad.
I compare a lot and I think it is really not fair for him.
But I just couldn't help it. Aren't all of us try to get something that is best for us?
We want the best and we want to be the best, aren't we?

Now I kinda pity my boy for always trying to live up to my expectations.
Sometimes I emo just because I saw some sweet couples or I read some romantic stuffs.
Damn stupid and superficial. I know I am.

I've tried to compromise.
And continuously reminding myself.
But after awhile, the same real me will be back.

So who am I deep down inside?
Someone enlighten me pls. Aih.

Part of the @ Family

On the second last day of NatCon 2009/2010, all of us sat in a circle in the parking lot.
This was the night that all of us spoke out our minds, without hiding any thoughts.
We were really frank to each other yet hoping that our words would not hurt anyone.

We hugged each other and we all cried together.
I haven't been having this kinda strong feelings since some time.
For being part of the big family, it makes me feel gratified.
Having so many brothers and sisters in a big family, I now know that I'm not alone on my @ journey.

I believe that no matter what will happen out LC, we will go through this together without leaving any member behind.
We will share our happiness and tears together as one.
We are all in one.
One AIESEC UM.

Love.

I suck huh

All these while,
I thought I am optimistic enough to cheer myself up.
I thought someone who is close to my heart will understand me.
But the fact is the person is someone who hurts me the most.
Paradox.

Why are you torturing me?
I should have think about other things instead of this.
It sucks.
Or I suck huh.

*Why am I always making notes bout all the sad stuffs. Sigh.

Naive

To you,
I'm always this ridiculous girl that throws tantrum randomly.
Always trying to make things complicated.
And making myself sad in the end.
It's all my fault.

Maybe I am that kind of girl.
That should keep myself in my own room.
Keep myself in my own world.

I try to give my best to you.
Hoping that someday I will not receive any disappointments.
But I guess I'm just to naive.
Thinking that I'm able to go into your world.
Thinking that we really can create our own happiness.
I guess I'm wrong.

I fell once.
I fell twice.
I fell thrice.
And now
I don't even able to count
how many times I have fallen.

I'm full of wounds.
Perhaps I'm just that toy
that you can replace anytime.

Naive.
Too naive.